So the wait is finally over…
Has a new IPad been released? No.
Has the X Factor winner been proclaimed? No.
Has the cure for cancer been found? No.
Kate is pregnant.
Cool. You mean my friend Kate in Kent?
Nope, Kate as in Katherine (ex Middleton) Windsor, Her Royal Dutchess of Cambridge, wife of Prince William, heir to the throne of England.
Oh. All right.
Well, it’s not SUCH a surprise, is it? Unfortunately when you choose a career as a prince’s wife, pregnancy tends to come with the job. In fact fertility is the only real skill required, as Henry the VIII clearly explained.
Now, I understand the news making the papers and being splashed across the Internet – the English Royals never failing to provide useful distraction from euro crisis, Palestine crisis, American crisis and possibly middle age crisis too.
BUT WHY, for goodness’ sake, is the forecourt of the hospital where Kate is being treated for morning sickness – not a potentially lethal condition – now crowded with hundreds of journalists from all over the world?
Yes, you, reporters and paparazzi who’ve been parked in the cold for three days… What do you expect to see???
Nothing is showing.
Nothing different can be spotted, snapped, discovered, reported.
God hasn’t left a divine mark on Kate’s forehead.
She’s not suffering from a rare condition and I’m pretty sure she didn’t conceive by secretly sleeping with the butler…
We don’t need to see Will’s face when entering and leaving the ward, as it’s not at all different from every other close up of the prince we’ve seen every single day in the past 10 years…
So why exactly are you there??
Of course I understand that women magazines (a very concept I detest) and tabloids can’t wait to start feeding us Kate’s pregnancy diet, Kate’s pre-natal Pilates, Kate’s vitamin supplement…
But are our lives so painstakingly boring that we need nine full months of that?
Or is the sad truth that nothing has actually changed since Henry VIII and the world is still obsessed with “reproduction”? Is pregnancy – at least in the higher ranks – still a totally public affair, because of its promise of lineage continuation?
Obviously yes. Single people can adopt, gay people, old people… But not royal folks…
Yes, like it or not, getting pregnant is the only really relevant thing this young woman is ever going to do in her life, the only thing expected from her, and the whole world should follow every single step of the process, making sure nothing goes wrong.
Well, at least we abolished beheading, that’s something…
ISN’T IT TOO EARLY????!!!!!
Kate’s only just peed on a piece of plastic a couple of weeks ago…
Guys? Yes yes you, out there in the cold!
Please, leave the poor vomiting lady alone and come back in five months, when tv hosts can start measuring how many grams she’s put on, admiring her fantastic maternity wardrobe.
For now… Get some sleep. Warm up. And grant us some very un-royal, un-aristocratic… peace