Sing along… or not

Dont you hate jingles?
I do.
Yes, there are some pretty appalling advertising campaigns  out there but nothing is as bad as a bad jingle.
Because jingles are something you can’t escape.
Jingles have the sordid habit of sticking to your head no matter how much you detest them.
Jingles sneak in and stay, and the more idiotic they are, the more persistent.
And if advertising executives are under the illusion this persistency creates a loyalty or interest towards the brand they are deluded
I can develop a real hatred for any company featured in annoying jingles. Because jingles are like squatters: they take possession of your brain without permission, moving in while you are not there.

There are in particular three types of jingles I find intolerable, but please send me your own:

– Silly tunes that are just intolerable.

This Lloyd’s “ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-aaaaaaaaaah-ah!” for instance is kind of nice the first time you hear it, but after a while you just want to strangle the singer, especially when she goes “aaaa!”

http://www.tellyads.com/show_movie.php?filename=TA2428

Not to mention “go compaaaare!” with the mad opera singer in moustache appearing in the most absurd outfits from ancient Egyptian to astronaut…

–  jingles featuring a clearly frustrated singer who decides to use them to show off every single note their vocal chords can produce.
The result is a totally over the top performance, that hits your ears like a typhoon.

A typical example is confused.com. It goes like this: we hear a fun little music, a male voice saying “confused about choosing your car insurance?” which is an inoffensive enough question, one second later we’re attacked by a shouting creature yelling: “Coooooooonfused dot com!!!! Go save your money at cooooooooooooonfused dot com!!!!” on the notes of village people’s YMCA…

This is the TV version, which is slightly less of offensive, thanks to funny cartoon…

Honestly, the woman screams so loudly it sounds demented.

–  jingles with horrible lyrics, especially if telling a story.

The worst I’ve heard is a radio spot for an insurance company (whats wrong with insurance people? Stop singing dudes!!! Please!) whose name I can’t even remember. This is how bad their radio jingle is: as soon as I hear it I switch channel as fast as i can, so I never get to the name of the company.
It begins with a woman with a light squeaky voice singing: “it wasn’t my fault it was somebody else…”
Fault for what? Making you sing? Were you forced at gun point? Maybe, it would explain the flimsy voice… But no, the fault in question is in fact the responsibility for an accident at work.
Yes, it turns out the singing woman was in an office (I bet, she definitely needs a daytime job, she’ll never win the X Factor) when a box fell on her head, knocking her to the floor…
“and I couldn’t get up any more any more!!!!!” she sings….
Erm… honey… it wasnt an accident. somebody THREW that box at you!!! It was the only way to shut you up!

Yes, I know. My agent could call me tomorrow asking me to sing a jingle in which I claim to have been knocked out by a box of toilet paper fallen from the sky and if it’s well paid I’ll say yes. And it would be me being publicly ridiculed. Well, bring it on. In fact, you can already start. I’ll give you a clue:

http://www.laraparmiani.com/video/skechers.html