Poor old Europe…

Britain has a new game called “blame the EU”.  Two teams face each other and the one that comes up with the most improbable thing wins, like:

“My mother in law is a bitch! – it’s because of Europe!”

“I have a bunion! – it’s Europe’s fault!” and so on.

For the first three minutes it is fun but then one begins to miss the darts championships… Perhaps to spicy it up they could catch some random “Europeans” and burn them alive. It might prove more entertaining. I’d go into hiding and wait for the Renaissance…

It’s nothing new. It’s still the result of the second world war. The Brits will never trust the Germans again, and they trust the French even less for losing out to Hitler. They are truly persuaded the moment they should join the Euro, a gigantic image of a grinning Angela Merkel dressed like the Joker will be projected over Buckingham Palace.

“Ah, ah, ah,” she’d chuckle. “Gotcha!!!”

The English sense of detachment from Europe is so deeply rooted, they even say “I’m going to Europe” when they go to France. Why, John, where do you think you live, Africa?

Maybe we were all sold a pacifist, post war dream, on the other side of the channel. The idea of being part of this continent, that used to be torn and theatre of wars and deadly fights, but that is now going to be united and happy. I always thought it was so cool. But English kids probably thought we were losers destined to end up with the Angela Merkel big face on our flags.

Let’s be clear, Italians also don’t trust Germany. However, they will always admire countries where trains run on time. Even if their food sucks….

Anyway, Italy is about to collapse under its debt…. Not that anyone seems to worry too much, for instance everyone’s just been on holiday for five days because whenever a festivity happens in the middle of the week, Italians do “the bridge”, ie take days off at either end of the festive day in question. Italy is great at denial mechanisms. It started with the Romans: PANEM ET CIRCENSES was Nero’s solution to his countrymen’s problems, let’s distract the plebes with food and circus, a little Bunga bunga on the side and voila’!

Which takes me straight back to the actual crisis and our ridiculous prime minister, who’s so unfit for government he’s even managed to be publicly ridiculed by Sarkozy and Merkel, who aren’t exactly the two funniest comedians in the world.

So, how can we sort Italy’s problems?

Idea: can’t we be invaded? Just for a couple of days, the time to capture Berlusconi. We won’t oppose resistance like in libia or Iraq. We can even provide an American flag for the occasion. Provided Obama is still president of course. I utterly forbid my country to be invaded by Sarah Palin.  She’d be seduced by Berlusconi and become first lady.

Now THAT will be the end of the world….










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