Cheers guys, appreciate it. Bye!

What’s wrong with us actors???

Why do we have to make such FOOLS of ourselves?

Why every time I say I’m an actress people seem surprised, “oh, you look intelligent,” they obviously think, “why do you want to be a frivolous, probably dumb, egomaniac?”

Of course there are exceptions. But for every Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon and Emma Thompson, there are ten Jennifer Anistons, Tom Cruises and Sarah Jessica Parkers.

And even the exceptions fall into the greatest depths of ridicule when it comes to ONE THING:

Acceptance speeches.

It was the Emmy for Primetime TV the other night… And dear me, they made me cringe…

WHY??? WHY guys, can’t we retain some dignity???????????????

Yes, we all dream of winning Emmys and Golden Globes and….. OSCARS!!! But why having a full scale breakdown when awarded?

What are all those tears, sobs, all those thanking everyone from your mother to the guy who brought you Chinese food on set…?


And the surprise? The Oh my God! Oh my God!!! Oh my GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

What are you surprised about?

You were nominated for goodness sake! It’s only five of you up there to choose from, you must have considered the chance of winning. It’s not THAT surprising!

If all of a sudden the non-funny presenter (whoever writes award cerimony “jokes” should be prevented from ever working again) had said “and the Oscar for best supporting actors goes to….. Peppino the cleaner for his ability in emptying the bins on set!!! Urrah!”

Now THAT will be surprising. If Peppino had walked on stage with his broom totally stunned, tears in his eyes, saying “Oh my God, thanks so much!!!” I would understand.

But Kate Winslet???

I mean, Kate, please. You have already an Oscar under your belt. You are a FILM actress and have a great reputation. The recession came and your lot had to lower themselves to work on TV. So you did a miniseries, Mildred Pierce, a horrible melodrama, that people watched JUST because YOU starred in it. You got nominated at the Emmy awards for best actress in a miniseries, together with fairly unknown people clearly not as good as you are. Everyone knew he were going to win, your mum, your agent, even my plumber knew…

Spare us the surprise!

It’s an Emmy for TV! You should have been so blase’ about it, you should have hardly bothered showing up. But you’re not a snob, and it’s great, work is work and you work hard whether it’s Roman Polansky or the theatre round the corner, fine, good for you.

But what with all those tears???? WHY did you have to start thanking your mother? What’s mum got to do with it?

It’s a TV series! You won OSCARS!  You won Golden Globes! You should be USED to this.

Leave the tears to Sandra Bullock, a mediocre actress who won an Oscar out of sheer luck and was quite rightly as stunned as Peppino at the news. But not you Kate. Please. Where is your British stiff upper lip? Your English humour? If there is something I totally love about the Brits is self deprecation. USE IT!!!!!

Going back to what I wrote in my previous post: Play it down, guys, it’s just a JOB!!!!

Hugh Laurie did it well for instance when he won in 2007. He claimed he wrote 157 names to thank and he picked three at random from his pocket. He didn’t CRY!

I think this business has a way too inflated sense of its self importance. Do they do awards for best accountant? Best plumber? Best dentist?

And the award for best supporting orthopedic goes to…

They probably do but they whoever wins doesn’t have a mental breakdown.

Can’t we, as actors, regain some pose and also some respect for people who work their a…s in professions that don’t get any recognition at all? I know it sounds lame and goody goody but I do feel embarassed whenever I watch awards at how ridiculous  and dull the acting world looks.

This doesn’t mean that I haven’t got my Oscar acceptance speech ready. Come on, every actor does! I started writing it when I was 17 and changed it already about 43 times. A few versions just read “F… you, I’m here, you muppets in Rome who didn’t want me because I’m flatchested!” But then I thought it wouldn’t sound that classy.

After watching the Emmy the other night I’m tempted to change it to just “Cheers guys, appreciate it, bye!”

But I swear, I swear, should I EVER win ANYTHING, even just the Highgate village award for most annoying resident, I would never cry. And I will thank my mum in private. I swear.

You’re allowed to come and punch me in the face if I break my word.

And if you think I’m alone in cringing, this is for you:





One thought on “Cheers guys, appreciate it. Bye!

  1. Grazie Lara. Mi faccio sempre quattro ghignate di gusto quando leggo i tuoi posts.
    Volevo anche chiederti se hai in programma di fare qualcosa in teatro a Milano.

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