Deflate your egos

The arrogance of showbiz people is second to none.
The arrogance of showbiz people from abroad who think they are filming in a country not as developed as theirs is such it should be punished with imprisonment.

It’s my last day in Mykonos, where I run away from gloomy London weather. It’s finally, officially, low season: the cruise ships that have been vomiting out daily hoards of Spanish, Italians and Australians have sailed off; the Japanese trendy youngsters have disappeared; the American backpackers hopped away towards new boozing shores…
It’s finally quiet, nice, peaceful… I sit at the cafe on the seafront writing postcards (yes, I still do it occasionally) and enjoying the view…

…when a group of about twenty Brits in their early 20s arrive. The women are dressed like they have been in an episode of The only way is Essex: fake blond hair, orange tan, fake lashes, high heels, minidresses… The guys have model types bodies, wearing overalls with no t shirt.
They talk loudly to each other laughing and poking and yelling…

My first thought is they went clubbing last night and stayed out. But their makeup is far too immaculate. They look like wannabes in “Britain next top model” but they’re too short for that.
One second later they’ve disappeared around the corner, with my great relief. I carry on writing…

But the peace doesn’t last long. In fact, as if on cue, a group of cameramen appear, followed by people carrying equipment and folders.
Oh dear, so the tarty people ARE contestants in some sort of reality TV show!
I ask a member of the crew. Yes, they are filming for itv, he says, full of self importance. “It’s a British channel!” he also adds assuming I’m Greek and possibly dumb.

Yes I know ITV, mate, and I’m not impressed, would you mind removing your gracious self now please, you’re blocking the view. This cafe has the BEST view in Mykonos.
Without bothering ordering anything, the crew takes possession of two sofas, spreading their stuff all over the cafe, studying possible shots, angles etc. The owner stares at them almost testing the situation, will they order anything? Will they bother asking for permission?

The crew ignores him.

Hey, we are from British TV here, their blunt faces seem to say, your cafe is going to feature on ITV!!! ITV, mate, this is the coolest thing that’s ever happened in your life, so leave us alone.  We woke up at 6am , not like you good for nothing…
The owner is not impressed. He leaves.
After five minute the crew also leaves bur the DOP stays behind and starts climbing on different seats to see if he could shoot from the window into the cafe.
Hey hey! the owner now is getting frustrated. No, no. He says, waving his hands.
Oh whatever then! Shouts the DOP without apologising. We wanted to use your cafe but we’ll go somewhere else!
He jumps off the seat and leaves like an offended primadonna.

The owner does not seem in the slightest bit BOVVERED
Dude? Who do you think you are?? And why do you assume these people are dying to be filmed? Not everyone’s dream is to be on TV next to a bunch of blondes.  By the way, this cafe is the BUSIEST on the island. They don’t need your publicity. This cafe appears in every single postcard including the ones I’m signing. This cafe in fact has a longer lasting reputations than all of your stupid show’s contestants can dream off.

However, if you had asked politely they might have let you film. Since you behave like a patronising twat they sent you away.

What is it about us actors, directors, writers, presenters that we must come across as such idiots? Guys, showbiz is fun. There is lots of money involved, lots of celebrity, lots of working on deadlines, and producers go to the distance to inculcate this sense of self importance in crews, so they’ll work 15 hours a day happily and proudly.
But the truth is, we’re not saving lives. TV is entertaining, but it’s not that important. People can happily live without ever watching ITV and without knowing what the winner of Masterchef looks like.

So learn some manners and deflate your egos.

Kindness can take you far…


















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